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26/04/08: A change is as good as a rest they say, so as you'll see from the link below I thought I'd venture into the old 'mouse game' for a while. The fool in this clip however proved untrainable, would never wait for the klaxon. Amateur. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txq_BogA1NM&NR=1 .................................................................................... 06/04/08: 
Training was going great today before Steve began to reminisce about being on TV........... ..... .............................................................................................. ............................................................................................. 05/04/08: Sponsored by The Daily Mail...... Thanks to those of you that supported our Elmer Fudd Rally, without you, our Country would be flooded with those pesky Wabbits! 
"......Wivers of Blood....." (note the matching dogged, determined expressions.) ............................................................................................ 22/3/08: 
Best of luck with the Easter campaign, we'll keep our fingers Hot Crossed. No Bun intended.x .................................................................. 19/3/08: " I got bitten on The Wirral today...." .................................................................. 18/3/08:- Just who IS Fleecity Bumbag? ( part 1 ) After years of being in this crazy business I like to call Chow, I’ve only ever heard rumours of Ms. Fleecity Bumbag. With nothing on the TV (honestly, 9.30pm on a Tues, bring back 'Armchair Thriller' ) and nothing else to write about at present, I decided to track her down. Who is she, what’s her driving force and does she really smell of liver? Read on…… SM: Hi Fleecity, thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Wow, that’s a lot of fleece you’re packing there! So, this is your favourite restaurant is it? F.B-B: Hello Stephen, yes I love Welcome Break. I spend so much time on the road travelling to Dog Shows, you never have to book and they’ve always got a table. SM: You’re on your way back from Crufts, you must be exhausted? F.B-B: Yep, competing with 'Scrump' in Heelwork To Music. You’d know her as pedigree name ‘Scrumptiousdiddiliumptious III’ . SM: Fantastic. Did you meet any other Trainers there? F.B-B: Stephen I didn’t take the train, you know that, I drove. How can we expect our dogs to listen if we can’t? SM: No I mean any other Dog Trainers? F.B-B: Good God no, I don’t consider myself a Trainer anymore; I’m a Whisperer. SM: Sorry? F.B-B: A Whisperer SM: Sorry no didn’t catch any of that. What got you into the whole Heelwork to Music ‘Scene’ Man’? F.B-B: Well, I’ve always loved dogs and I’ve always loved dancing so to be honest it was natural to put the two together. SM: Hmmmm F.B-B: What? SM: I’ve always loved darts and kittens, sorry just thinking aloud, I’m not a Whisperer. Being, as many would say, a rosette whore Fleecity, what would you say has been your biggest achievement with dogs? F.B-B: No Brainer. SM: How dare you! F.B-B: No I mean it's simple. 1984 Winner of the Homemade Dog Treat Bake-off; or to give it its street name, the 1984 Champtidbits. SM: You cooked liver cakes didn’t you? F.B-B: How d’you know? ............................... 17/3/08: "Slainte." To celebrate St Patrick’s day, give you dog a Pat. ................................ I thank you. NO CLASSES NEXT SAT 22/3 & SUN 23/3/08 DUE TO THE RESURRECTION. 16/03/08: Scores for today's test are as follows, lowest score wins, highest score makes the tea next week: Teresa & Poppy 86; Babs & Danby 87; Kate and Baz 54; Carol and Max 54; Nancy & Dylan 110; Tony & Nap 105. Well done Kate and Carol; two sugars please Nancy. ................................ 10/3/08: 
As you can see from the above image, I’m just back from spending a few days in Dog’s Bay, a mystical inlet off the West coast of Ireland.On further investigation into the name of the area, it seems that way back in the 14th century St Patrick asked St Francis to place two heroic dogs on the beach to protect shipwrecked sailors from the ravages of the Atlantic Ocean. Legend has it, that should a modern day St Francis ever walk the shores of Dog’s Bay, the image of these two ghostly dogs shall appear once more. 
....................... 9/03/08: CRUFTS 2008:- That's right folks, today is the last day of The Great Canine Convention, when dogs from all over the world converge on The NEC Birmingham to gaze at those most unusual of specimens; Ben Fumble and Claire Bawdy. The dogs have been competing in knock-out rounds all year and those that have drawn the shortest of all straws have been forced to join Fumble and Bawdy on the BBC sofa for 2 minutes of "If I Ignore Them Long Enough They'll Have To Let Me Go." The standard's been very high so far with none of the dogs giving Fumble or Bawdy any eye contact whatsoever, this despite the 'Blazer Squad' adopting the cunning tactic this year of both dressing as Jeremy Clarkson, a tactic disturbing enough to unsettle all but the most determined of canines. Keep it up my faithful friends, you're nearly there............. .......................... 3/3/08: The votes are in, they've been counted and verified and we have our winner for our Caption Competition:- 1st place. “Solidarity lads, if none of us stand up, there’s sod all they can do about it!” – Sheila Cotton. 2nd place. “Will the real Slim Shady…” – Gerry Guinan. 3rd place. “Okay dogs, leave your human in a stand stay, walk forward 10 paces…” – Vicki Strickland.  You're all VERY clever and VERY funny, if only you were all VERY good looking you could be Dog Trainers! Peter Caskey is the clear winner for the caption competition from Mon 18/2/08 (scroll to image for that date) with: " Hell of a curry!" ..................... 28/2/08: 40% Increase in the Number of Recorded Dog Bites; reported the BBC News and how the media loved it. Now don’t get me wrong, of course there’s been some horrific dog attacks in the last 12 months, regrettably there's been dog attacks every year since Man has owned dogs and sadly there will be for every year yet to come. Stats however, don’t tell the full story. I wonder if maybe some of these recorded bites were the type to have gone unreported prior to the ‘media hype’? I’m curious to discover the increase in dog ownership of Burberry wearing males under the age of 20? I’m in no way trying to belittle the recent terrible attacks, however here’s a sobering thought for you: - In 2004, 20 people were killed in America as a result of dog attacks. In the same year 310 children under the age of 5 were killed by their own parents. Ban parents? Now I'm off to rub a belly; a rottweiler's not a yob's, I'm playing the percentage game to stay safe. ................................. 27/2/08: As a few of you have asked about Lillie the English Bull Terrier, please find below a letter we received from Lillie's owners today:- Hi Steve, Thought I'd drop you a quick note to let you know how Lillie is getting on. She has settled back in at home very well and it didn’t take long for to reconfirm her position as Chief Sofa Hog !! Its amazing how such a small dog even with her new racing snake figure can take up sooo much room on the sofa!!We have been out working with the whistle which I have now got the hang of !! At first she was responding to the whistle but was looking for you….I think there is some lurv there Steve !! But she is now starting to associate us with the whistle and is coming back on "peep". She is a pleasure to walk. Leaves the house so much calmer, walks really well on the harness she still has the need to inspect both sides of the pavement but she is so much calmer than before. I have the confidence to let her run off lead, meet other dogs and know that I can recall her back.Can I ask….mince??? Any flavour chicken/turkey/beef ?? Is it normal human mince? I give it straight out the packet ? Thanks again you've done wonders for us. Lisa, Derren & Lillie .......................................... Dear Lisa, Derren and Lillie (Ahh Lillie) Human mince? HUMAN MINCE?!! who do you think I am, Sweeny Todd?! Regards Steve. ps: It's cat mince. ................................. 26/2/08: Hollywood Smollywood. It's time for the Alpha Dog Training School Oscars. And the winners are..... Best Motion Picker: Nancy Carr. If used poo bags had the same street value as used stamps, Nancy would be well on her way to her gold Blue Peter Badge. Best Make Up Artist: Phil with Sooki the GSD. Phil never ceases to amaze with excuses he makes up as to why he didn't practise his exercises. This week folks, his "sump pump went". Where to, nobody knows however, feel free to make up your own gags. Best Supporting Roll: The bacon baguette Faye made all the Instructors on Saturday. Best Animated Feature: Bramble the labrador's Nose. As I was eating my Best Supporting (Bacon) Roll. Best Short: Stud. The Jack Russell. Best Long: Hermione. The Great Dane. Best Original Score: Cocoa the labrador's Agility Score. Eleventeen out of One Hundred. Best Costume: Sausage the Staffordshire Bull Terrier. Not only does she wear a coat it has pockets?! Back Pockets??!!!! Best DireErector: Jake the Randy Boxer. An award never to be defended however, as Jake gets castrated this week. Bang goes his Golden Globes then! .................................. 24/2/08: Another enjoyable weekend training, sorry to those of you that I volunteered for the race around the poles competition but it's not all bad news; remember the sick bags I gave you as you were doubled over at the end of the race? Well you can keep them, my treat. We took a snap shot of the 10am class today for our Caption Competition, so beat these to win an iron lung:- 
A) All those perpared to pick up dog poo, stand up now. B) Stalemate in the Dogs Vs Primates Annual Chess Match. C) "....I'm Spartacus!" answers to :
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................................... 22/2/08: Once bitten, twice shy, third time Dhoh!, fourth time Dhoh!..... I believe it was Oscar Wilde that said "once is unfortunate, twice is careless". Well let me tell you Oscar, my dear old dandy mick, that the third and fourth time you get bitten by the same dog in the same day is no Victorian palour game with lavender cravats either. Below, as promised, is a picture of the 'Dog with No name', although as her canines made direct contact with my wristbone this morning a few good 'uns came to mind. 
And before any smart Alec pipes up, no, I am not sporting a fleece, it's a soft-shell, micro fibre, sports utility jacket. .............................. 21/2/08: I took on a new Malinois today, well I say new, she's actually VERY 2nd hand. She's 4 years old, her head looks two sizes too big for her body, (a little like Joe Cole the footballer or is it just me?) and when she runs she has all the aesthetic grace of a drain, I like her though. I thought I'd wipe the slate clean and give her a new name; in fact, I'd like you, the Alpha Massive to re-name her for me. I'll put a piccie of her (if she doesn't shatter the lens) up on the blog tomorrow and then the dancefloor's all yours. Email me your suggestions and I'll promise to Baptise her with one of your suggestions. The ceremony will take place on Sunday 2nd March at:- St Bernard's Steves Avenue Barking You'll recoginse the Church when you get there, it has the 'Alpha Course' banner outside. Please don't enter 'The Name Game' (oh, I should work in TV darling) if at this very moment you're thinking the title 'Deefer' has as good as won; it really hasn't . Thinking caps on...... .............................. 20/2/08: After years of research I discovered today that with the correct medication, even training an English Bull Terrier can be enjoyable.... 
...mind you, I had to take A LOT of medication!! This is Lily the EBT doing her residential training today; she's an absolute Angel. |
