The Alpha Woodland Adventure !

Good Friday, 6^th April 2012

10am – 3pm

An enjoyable outward bounds activity day open dogs & owners of all ages and abilities.

·     K9 Movie! We’ll shoot a movie on the day with the dogs, you’ll receive a DVD of the final cut!

·     Woodland Agility!

·     Tracking & Nosework Fun!

·     Search & Rescue!

·     Forest Picnic (BYO)

·     Woodland Ramble!

·     Team Ditching Jumping Competition!

Limited places, first come first served!

Venue: Wood End Farm, West End Rd, Wormley, Herts, EN10 7QN.

Cost: £49

Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

11/11/11 Steve Mann IMDT on 'Live With Gabby' ( fast forward to 28 minutes)
Click here to watch the show - Channel 5 - Live with Gabby

19/9/11 Prepare for fireworks NOW

 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/petshealth/6502787/Noise-therapy-will-keep-dogs-quiet-on-Bonfire-Night.html

17/9/11

Our Page 3 Fella http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2718221/Help-for-dogs-fearing-fireworks.html

1/1/11

Starring our very own Katie the collie....

 http://www.talktalk.co.uk/woofwoof/

25/5/10

"Can you do a job for us?" they said.

" I can't mate, my diary's packed" said I.

"Please Steve, it'll only take a half day" they pleaded, "you'll be working with dogs"

"I always work with dogs!" I said, " and anyway, I'm just too busy."

"There'll be loose women"

"Book me in pal, any day's fine" .....

 http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/loosewomen/  

11/5/10

I got a lot of stick for this article I wrote recently, I stand by it, you decide....

  Just doesn’t sound right though does it?

It must be true, we’ve all read the books, seen the TV shows with the charismatic Dog Trainers, and a common message comes through. If your dog does X,Y, or dare I say it,  Z, they’re trying to be dominant. “Nip it in the bud Owners, or you’ll be sorry, you’re no longer The Pack Leader….”

Lets look at a couple of the ‘Pack Leader’ dog training theories and make our own interpretations of the dog’s behaviour:-

How about Mrs Slater’s apocalyptic error with Trixie; or ‘Couchgate’ as history will undoubtedly recall it as.

Did Trixie want to get on the couch because:-

A)    The couch is more comfortable than he floor

B)     Dogs are sociable creatures and she wanted to be next to her buddy, Mrs Slater.

C)    Why not?

D)    All of the above

E)     Trixie (codename Dominatrixie) works for the CLF (Canine Liberation Front), and was instigating Stage 9 of Operation Pack Leader, an Operation that has admittedly been dragging it’s heels, it has been going on for millions of years since dogs have been domesticated, but By Fido, with this couch breakthrough surely the end is nigh.

I’ve got my own opinions on the above, no doubt TV Dog Gurus have theirs, now you have to decide.

I’ll run one more past you, just for fun.

Years ago, when I first started going to Dog Training classes, a standard exercise we  always did was the gate exercise, you know the one, put your dog in  sit, open the gate, go through the gate first and then call the dog through. This exercise was always introduced solemnly by the Dog Trainer, as they cleared their throat, grasped their clipboard a little tighter than usual and spread their legs shoulder width apart, as “one of the most important…”, and I’m sure many of you have heard this one before in classes, “…The pack Leader always goes through doorways first”. What a huge pearl of wisdom that one is. I need to say it again, just indulge me one more time as I quote hundreds of dog trainers I’m sure, “ the pack leader always goes through doorways first.”     

Turn your papers over, your multiple choice exam part 2 starts now:-

Dogs are fairly keen to get through doorways because:-

A)    They’re curious to see what’s on the other side

B)     Why not?

C)    They plan to take over the World, dominate us, our children and our families. The dogs will shave their heads and sit in revolving leather chairs, James Bond villain style, stroking a miniature human on their lap as they demonically laugh at us, “… Yahaha, you’re mine I tell you, ALL MINE!”

I’ve got my own opinions on the above, no doubt TV Dog Gurus have theirs, now you have to decide.

 But before you do, just to let you know, and I don’t want in any way to appear biased here (as if!), this morning I walked 7 dogs through my local fields and woods. At each gate, stile or gap in the hedgerow we came to, I didn’t manage to witness any canine etiquette such as “No, no, I insist, after you..” from my Jack Russell to my Labrador. There was no “after you oh Great One, you are my Leader” from the Labrador to my German Shepherd, and certainly no “ wait for it, wait for it boys, stand in line and let Steve through first, I know we’re not wolves, I know he’s not a wolf but Pack Theory’s Pack Theory...”. It just seemed to be, first come, first served. Weird eh?

There may have been such delicate hierarchy negotiations at each gap, I can’t be sure, I may have missed it. You decide.

What I do know is that I definitely went through each gateway last, (not as young as I used to be), the dogs came when I called them, sat when I asked them to and when I got home, the locks hadn’t been changed by the local Beagle Locksmith.

I suggest we start a Dog Owners revolution, right here, right now.

The next time your Dog Trainer insists you must go through doorways first, ask them if they practise what they preach. When they let their dog out last thing at night in the garden for their final wee, do they really put their shoes on, put the dog in a sit, open the door, go outside into the rain THEN let their dog out?

You Decide.

Do they really eat a piece of food every time before their dog eats, really? Even at training class when they’re rewarding their dog for a good sit. Really? I’d like to see it.

Make up your own minds people.

If I am wrong though and dogs DO take over the world, (the dominant little Tinkers) then I’m sorry, I take it all back.

It’d be fun though wouldn’t it?

5/11/09

Steve in The Daily Telegraph.  And I quote"...Mann knows all the moves." form a queue!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/petshealth/6502787/Noise-therapy-will-keep-dogs-quiet-on-Bonfire-Night.html

4/11/09

Steve on Sky News:-

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/How-To-Help-Your-Dog-Through-Bonfire-Night-Tips-Including-Massaging-Your-Pet-And-Building-Den/Article/200911115435708?lpos=UK_News_Second_UK_News_Article_Teaser_Region_0&lid=ARTICLE_15435708_How_To_Help_Your_Dog_Through_Bonfire_Night%2C_Tips_Including_Massaging_Your_Pet_And_Building_Den 

13/10/08:

Dear Steve 

Please help. I've just adopted Wobbles, a Collie. She is perfect in so many ways but she's developed one major problem that's ruining our relationship. How can I stop her chasing anything in a car?

Iva Herd.

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Hi Iva

Hide the car keys.

Regards

Steve

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06/04/08:

Training was going great today before Steve began to reminisce about being on TV...........

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05/04/08:

Thanks to those of you that supported our Elmer Fudd Rally, without you, our Country would be flooded with those pesky Wabbits! 

"......Wivers of Blood....."

(note the matching dogged, determined expressions.)

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22/3/08:

Best of luck with the Easter campaign, we'll keep our fingers Hot Crossed. No Bun intended.x

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19/3/08: " I got bitten on The Wirral today...."

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18/3/08:-

Just who IS Fleecity Bumbag? ( part 1 ) After years of being in this crazy business I like to call Chow, I’ve only ever heard rumours of Ms. Fleecity Bumbag. With nothing on the TV (honestly, 9.30pm on a Tues, bring back 'Armchair Thriller' ) and nothing else to write about at present, I decided to track her down. Who is she, what’s her driving force and does she really smell of liver? Read on…… 

SM: Hi Fleecity, thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Wow, that’s a lot of fleece you’re packing there! So, this is your favourite restaurant is it?

F.B-B: Hello Stephen, yes I love Welcome Break. I spend so much time on the road travelling to Dog Shows, you never have to book and they’ve always got a table.

SM: You’re on your way back from Crufts, you must be exhausted?

F.B-B: Yep, competing with 'Scrump' in Heelwork To Music. You’d know her as pedigree name ‘Scrumptiousdiddiliumptious III’ .

 SM: Fantastic. Did you meet any other Trainers there?

F.B-B: Stephen I didn’t take the train, you know that, I drove. How can we expect our dogs to listen if we can’t?

SM:  No I mean any other Dog Trainers?

F.B-B:  Good God no, I don’t consider myself a Trainer anymore; I’m a Whisperer.

SM: Sorry?

F.B-B: A Whisperer

SM: Sorry no didn’t catch any of that. What got you into the whole Heelwork to Music ‘Scene’  Man’?

F.B-B:  Well, I’ve always loved dogs and I’ve always loved dancing so to be honest it was natural to put the two together.

SM: Hmmmm

F.B-B:  What?

SM: I’ve always loved darts and kittens, sorry just thinking aloud, I’m not a Whisperer. Being, as many would say, a rosette whore Fleecity, what would you say has been your biggest achievement with dogs?

F.B-B: No Brainer.

SM: How dare you!

F.B-B: No I mean it's simple. 1984 Winner of the Homemade Dog Treat Bake-off; or to give it its street name, the 1984 Champtidbits.

SM: You cooked liver cakes didn’t you?

F.B-B:  How d’you know?

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17/3/08:  "Slainte."

To celebrate St Patrick’s day, give you dog a Pat.                   

................................ I thank you.

NO CLASSES NEXT SAT 22/3 & SUN 23/3/08 DUE TO THE RESURRECTION.

16/03/08: Scores for today's test are as follows, lowest score wins, highest score makes the tea next week: Teresa & Poppy 86; Babs & Danby 87; Kate and Baz 54; Carol and Max 54; Nancy & Dylan 110; Tony & Nap 105. Well done Kate and Carol; two sugars please Nancy. 

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10/3/08:

Legend has it, that should a modern day St Francis ever walk the shores of Dog’s Bay, the image of these two ghostly dogs shall appear once more.

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9/03/08:   CRUFTS 2008:-

 That's right folks, today is the last day of The Great Canine Convention, when dogs from all over the world converge on The NEC Birmingham to gaze at those most unusual of specimens; Ben Fumble and Claire Bawdy. The dogs have been competing in knock-out rounds all year and those that have drawn the shortest of all straws have been forced to join Fumble and Bawdy on the BBC sofa for 2 minutes of "If I Ignore Them Long Enough They'll Have To Let Me Go." The standard's been very high so far with none of the dogs giving Fumble or Bawdy any eye contact whatsoever, this despite the 'Blazer Squad' adopting the cunning tactic this year of both dressing as Jeremy Clarkson, a tactic disturbing enough to unsettle all but the most determined of canines. Keep it up my faithful friends, you're nearly there.............

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3/3/08: The votes are in, they've been counted and verified and we have our winner for our Caption Competition:-

1^st place.          “Solidarity lads, if none of us stand up, there’s sod all they can do about it!” – Sheila Cotton.

2^nd place.         “Will the real Slim Shady…” – Gerry Guinan.

3^rd place.         “Okay dogs, leave your human in a stand stay, walk forward 10 paces…” – Vicki Strickland.

You're all VERY clever and VERY funny, if only you were all VERY good looking you could be Dog Trainers!

Peter Caskey is the clear winner for the caption competition from Mon 18/2/08 (scroll to  image for that date) with: " Hell of a curry!"

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28/2/08: 40% Increase in the Number of Recorded Dog Bites; reported the BBC News and how the media loved it. Now don’t get me wrong, of course there’s been some horrific dog attacks in the last 12 months, regrettably there's been dog attacks every year since Man has owned dogs and sadly there will be for every year yet to come. Stats however, don’t tell the full story. I wonder if maybe some of these recorded bites were the type to have gone unreported prior to the ‘media hype’? I’m curious to discover the increase in dog ownership of Burberry wearing males under the age of 20?  I’m in no way trying to belittle the recent terrible attacks, however here’s a sobering thought for you: - In 2004, 20 people were killed in America as a result of dog attacks. In the same year  310 children under the age of 5 were killed by their own parents. 

Ban parents?

Now I'm off to rub a belly; a rottweiler's not a yob's, I'm playing the percentage game to stay safe.

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27/2/08: As a few of you have asked about Lillie the English Bull Terrier, please find below a letter we received from Lillie's owners today:-

Lisa, Derren & Lillie

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Dear Lisa, Derren and Lillie (Ahh Lillie)

Human mince? HUMAN MINCE?!! who do you think I am, Sweeny Todd?!

Regards

Steve.

 ps: It's cat mince.

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26/2/08: Hollywood Smollywood. It's time for the Alpha Dog Training School Oscars. And the winners are.....

Best Motion Picker:  Nancy Carr. If used poo bags had the same street value as used stamps, Nancy would be well on her way to her gold Blue Peter Badge.

Best Make Up Artist: Phil with Sooki the GSD. Phil never ceases to amaze with excuses he makes up as to why he didn't practise his exercises. This week folks, his "sump pump went". Where to, nobody knows however, feel free to make up your own gags.

Best Supporting Roll: The bacon baguette Faye made all the Instructors on Saturday.

Best Animated Feature: Bramble the labrador's Nose. As I was eating my Best Supporting (Bacon) Roll.

Best Short: Stud. The Jack Russell.

Best Long: Hermione. The Great Dane.

Best Original Score: Cocoa the labrador's Agility Score. Eleventeen out of One Hundred.

Best Costume: Sausage the Staffordshire Bull Terrier. Not only does she wear a coat it has pockets?! Back Pockets??!!!!

Best DireErector: Jake the Randy Boxer. An award never to be defended however, as Jake gets castrated this week. Bang goes his Golden Globes then!

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24/2/08: Another enjoyable weekend training, sorry to those of you that I volunteered for the race around the poles competition but it's not all bad news; remember the sick bags I gave you as you were doubled over at the end of the race? Well you can keep them, my treat.

We took a snap shot of the 10am class today for our Caption Competition, so beat these to win an iron lung:-

A) All those perpared to pick up dog poo, stand up now.

B) Stalemate in the Dogs Vs Primates Annual Chess Match.

C) "....I'm Spartacus!"

answers to : This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

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22/2/08: Once bitten, twice shy, third time Dhoh!, fourth time Dhoh!.....

I believe it was Oscar Wilde that said "once is unfortunate, twice is careless". Well let me tell you Oscar, my dear old dandy mick, that the third and fourth time you get bitten by the same dog in the same day is no Victorian palour game with lavender cravats either. 

Below, as promised, is a picture of the 'Dog with No name', although as her canines made direct contact with my wristbone this morning a few good 'uns came to mind.

And before any smart Alec pipes up, no, I am not sporting a fleece, it's a soft-shell, micro fibre, sports utility jacket.

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21/2/08:  I took on a new Malinois today, well I say new, she's actually VERY 2nd hand. She's 4 years old, her head looks two sizes too big for her body, (a little like Joe Cole the footballer or is it just me?) and when she runs she has all the aesthetic grace of a drain, I like her though. I thought I'd wipe the slate clean and give her a new name; in fact, I'd like you, the Alpha Massive to re-name her for me.

I'll put a piccie of her (if she doesn't shatter the lens) up on the blog tomorrow and then the dancefloor's all yours. Email me your suggestions and I'll promise to Baptise her with one of your suggestions. The ceremony will take place on Sunday 2nd March at:-

St Bernard's

Steves Avenue

Barking                                              

You'll recoginse the Church when you get there, it has the 'Alpha Course' banner outside.

Please don't enter 'The Name Game' (oh, I should work in TV darling) if at this very moment you're thinking the title 'Deefer' has as good as won; it really hasn't .

Thinking caps on......

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20/2/08: After years of research I discovered today that with the correct medication, even training an English Bull Terrier can be enjoyable....

...mind you, I had to take A LOT of medication!!

This is Lily the EBT doing her residential training today; she's an absolute Angel.